


Grey (the Not Always Going to Be This Grey remix)

by torigates



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most days, or every day really, Marshall found it hard to get out of bed in the morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grey (the Not Always Going to Be This Grey remix)

**Author's Note:**

> In November 2008, [](http://cashewdani.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://cashewdani.livejournal.com/)**cashewdani** said about her fic, _"The first in the insane mission I took on to write every possible pairing from HIMYM. But seriously, there needs to be more than Barney/Robin out there."_ And I thought to myself, HOLY CRAP THIS LADY IS A KINDRED SPIRIT and I started writing non-Robin/Barney fics and eventually worked up the courage to ask her if she wanted to be friends. Almost two and a half years later, we talk pretty much every day, and honestly, Dani you are one of my best friends. I HAD to remix this, there was no other choice, really. I just hope I did it justice.

 

 

  


  
It’s a funny thing, heartbreak.

Most days, or every day really, Marshall found it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Found it hard to do much of anything. Ted and Robin would come home from work and find him sitting on the couch where they left him in the morning, not even having bothered to put any pants on. Marshall knew they were worried, hell, even he was worried. He just couldn’t bring himself to care.

He goes along with their plans to try and make him feel better, and sometimes he _does_ feel better.

It doesn’t matter, though. Heartbreak isn’t as simple as all that. Sure, Robin took him to the shooting range, and Marshall had a good time, and remembered what it felt like to smile again, and to think that things weren’t so terrible. He was able to forget, if only for that one moment, that the Lily, the love of his life, hadn’t walked out the door without so much as looking back. He could forget that most of the time things hurt so badly he could barely even function. He could forget that most of the time when he _did_ venture outside the safe zone of the couch that people stared at laughed and pointed at the sad, pathetic, heartbroken man who was so fucked up that he ruined his life and the lives of everyone else around him (at least it felt that way).

One nice afternoon with Robin didn’t change any of those facts, and Marshall thought that one nice afternoon probably made things worse in the grand scheme of things, because before today he hadn’t gotten to second base with his best friend’s girlfriend. He pushed her down on the couch and kissed her, and Robin had _let him_ because that was how truly and completely pathetic he had become. Robin had promised Ted would never find out, and somehow that made it so much worse. Marshall spent the whole night in half guilt, half relief, wondering if he should come clean. Worrying that Robin would tell Ted.

There was no question about it, he was fucked.

The next morning, Marshall didn’t even get out of bed. He could hear Ted and Robin moving around the kitchen and living room, getting ready for their normal days, doing normal people things like making breakfast and getting ready for work. Marshall could remember when he and Lily did those things together, and he just _missed_ her. He missed her so much, and so often, it felt like there had never been a time when he didn’t miss Lily. It wasn’t the first time Marshall thought he was probably going a little bit crazy.

Ted and Robin were talking in hushed tones outside his door. Or at least, he thought they were talking in what they probably imagined to be hushed tones. Their voices were lowered, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make out every word they were saying. It was a small apartment, and they were standing right outside his door.

“I thought he had a good time yesterday,” Robin said.

“He did,” Ted confirmed. “At least he said he did.” It was silent, and Marshall could practically hear the two of them shrugging. “He was smiling yesterday,” Ted said after a brief pause.

“I just wish we could help,” Robin said.

“We are helping,” Ted replied. “I think he just needs more time.”

The two of them wandered off, and eventually Marshall could hear them leaving the apartment, and the lock turning in the door. He contemplated briefly getting out of bed, but eventually thought better of it. Moving seemed like too much effort.

He must have drifted back off to sleep, because the next thing he knew, he could hear the sound of keys in the door again. He couldn’t have slept through the whole day without knowing it, could he? He made the monumental effort of rolling over to stare at the clock on his bedside table. It was slightly after ten.

Footsteps creaked across the floor of the apartment, and knob on his door turned slowly. Either Lily had finally come home, or an axe murderer was about to kill him in his bed, and frankly either of those two scenarios were fine by him. He wanted Lily or he didn’t want to live anymore. Marshall knew that thought should probably scare him, but it just didn’t. He just wanted everything to stop hurting.

The door opened, and it wasn’t Lily. It wasn’t an axe murderer either.

It was Robin.

She smiled when she saw he was awake. “Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” Marshall mumbled and rolled over, facing away from her. He thought he should probably be curious about why Robin was standing in his bedroom in the middle of the day, but he really couldn’t work up the effort.

The mattress dipped, and he figured she was sitting in the edge. He didn’t bother rolling over to face her. “If you’re here for another pep talk, you can just forget it. I’m not interested, and I don’t want to go to shoot some guns. I just want to sleep.”

The bed shifted again, and that was another thing Marshall thought he should probably care about. There was a woman in his bed who wasn’t Lily. There was a woman in his bed who was Robin, his best friend’s girlfriend.

She put her arm on his shoulder. “I’m not here for a pep talk,” she said.

“Why are you here?” he mumbled.

“I thought about what you said.”

“What?”

“I thought about what you said,” she took a deep breath. “And yes, you can kiss me.”

Marshall did turn at that. Ready to be get furious at the pity or guilt, or whatever he was expecting to see in her eyes. Except it wasn’t there.

Her eyes were sad, sure, but it wasn’t pity.

“I don’t want you to feel this way,” she told him. “I know Lily wouldn’t want you to feel this way.” Marshall flinched at Lily’s name. It wasn’t right that he was here in this room that they had shared for so many years with another woman. It wasn’t right that he was here without her. “She’d want me to help you, if I could,” Robin finished.

Her hand was still on his shoulder. Marshall was propped up on his elbows. She reached across him, and placed her other hand on his cheek, where she had kissed him that first time. Her palm was dry and smooth, and he was suddenly aware that he wasn’t wearing anything but his boxers. He leaned slightly into her hand. It felt warm and nice and steady, and Marshall was lonely. He had been lonely for so long. She leaned over and kissed him and her lips were soft and wet and she opened her mouth over his and he groaned a little.

“We can’t,” he said, turning his head away. He hoped the blankets were thick enough to hide the growing erection he currently had going on down there. He missed Lily, and it had been so long, and he wanted to, oh god, he wanted to so badly, but they _couldn’t_. “I can’t,” he said. “Not to Ted.”

“Ted wants you to be happy too,” she told him. “We just want you to stop being so sad.”

“I _can’t_ ,” he gasped. “Why don’t you get that? I can’t be happy! She’s gone and she’s not ever coming back, and I _need_ her—!” He choked on down a sob. Robin’s hand clutched his shoulder.

She ran her hand through his hair and it just felt nice to be touched again, and she was still in their bed, and he just was tired of being sad all the time.

She climbed on top of him, and Marshall had to swallow down another half-groan, half-sob, as Robin kissed him full on the mouth. It wasn’t sweet or happy. She bit his lip, and Marshall felt all his resolve crumbling, and grabbed onto her hips, rolling them so he could cover her body with his own. She let him, and he wanted to cry, it felt so good to be able to control something after all this time. To take control of a situation that he blocked out every other thought and just kissed Robin and pressed down into her body. She gripped his shoulders, and he could feel her body heat, even through the blankets that were tangled around their bodies.

He kissed her neck, and Robin reached between them, stroking her hands down his chest, and into his boxers. Her hand circled around his dick, and moaned loudly, pressing himself further into her touch. The smell of her shampoo was all around him. She had one arm wrapped loosely around his waist, and the other was stroking him at a quick pace. He turned his face into hers and she kissed him again, her tongue in his mouth, and he just wanted to feel better.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, after he came, and stroked his back. Marshall thought things would probably never be okay again, but he smiled at her when she left, and neither of them spoke of it later when she came over for dinner and Ted kissed her right in front of him.


End file.
